Relax aboard the IVF train

If you've been following this blog for awhile then maybe you remember a while back when I mentioned that we wanted a second baby. "Wait...you mean it took you over five years to have the first baby where you did 5 IUI's, numerous fertility drugs, embarrassing invasive tests and an IVF and now you want another?" ::emphatic head shaking::

Let's take a stroll through the past. Look, see how trim and fit I am! Look I don't have that crease in my brow yet. Awwwww look there's Seb and we're ...oh wait... turn around. No not that way, this way. I want you all to see. We're actually having sex! Hey look we're having sex for pleasure!! Wow, I should come visiting here more often! Wait I hear voices.

voices fade in . . .

-Look, we've been trying for two cycles to have a baby and it just isn't working.
-just relax and it will happen.

-We've been trying for 6 months to have a baby and it just isn't working
-just relax and it will happen.

-We've been trying for 1 year to have a baby and it just isn't working.
-just relax and it will happen.

-We've been trying for 2 years to have a baby and it just isn't working.
-just relax and it will happen.

-We've been trying for 3 years to have a baby and it just isn't working.
-just relax and it will happen.

-We've been trying for 4 years to have a baby and it just isn't working.
-just relax and it will happen.

-We've been trying for 5 years to have a baby and it just isn't working.
-just relax and it will happen.

-We've been trying FOREVER to have a baby and it isn't working!
-just relax and it will happen.

voices fade out . . .

It finally did happen. The voices were not right. It was not while we we're relaxed that we conceived baby S but in fact it was during one of the most tense periods of our life. Me, out cold and lying on my back, legs wide open having my eggs sucked out of me by strangers while Seb produced a sample in a room down the hall. Oh wait that was just part one. Part two consisted of lying on my back legs wide open and having a good looking doctor with a catheter pump 3 eggs back into me. Then we were sent home so I could throw up for 4 days straight from hyper-stimulation. Then I got the news that my father had suddenly died of a heart attack several time zones away. This was followed by a two week hormone induced shouting match between Seb and me. So you see relaxing is for wimps. Real couples make babies under extreme duress.

Here we are back in today. We have once again been told to "just relax and it will happen" and we've also been told "women are very fertile after giving birth" and "some things just fix themselves" and also "you just have to prime the pump!" But even though the pump has been primed and pumped out a baby and lots of other stuff, (ask Seb about this and he will make his 'I watched my wife give birth' face), we still are having no success.

My theory is that some couples don't just do it. Some of us need an intervention. The only way we seem to be able to make babies is through the reproductive equivalent of a bitch slap. Subtle relaxation and non-stress techniques obviously don't work for us. We need power and lightning. We need drama and headlines. We need large doses of science.

We've got our appointments all lined up and we're climbing once again aboard a very strange sort of train where there's no alcohol, no caffeine, lots of overpriced drugs and a wanking room for the men. The female passengers are all a bit bitchy but they have a great excuse for it, much to their partner's dismay, and the "engineer" is a very nice looking 40-something, 'mr. know it all' gent who makes all the women swoon. I'll be taking my usual seat near the window because I get motion sickness if I can't see the scenery moving. I should be at least be spared that misery.
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