I had really hoped that he wouldn't change so much in the six weeks before his father arrives. I had hoped he'd just stay the same little french fry that he was, rolling around on the floor shrieking and looking at his toes. This arrangemnt would have been perfect. I would be able to keep my baby suspended in an 8 and 1/2 month time warp, gaining precious time staring at that amazing little creature who cooked in my belly for nine months and 4 days, and his father wouldn't miss a thing. Blame it on evolution or the hearty American diet but this child is suddenly taking off.
In the last few weeks alone baby S has crawled his first few "real" crawling steps, cut two teeth, learned to point, learned to wave "hi" and "bye" (and grunt an occasional primal "huuu" and "buhhh"), swam in his first real pool and just today he actually STOOD against the rail in his crib to protest his nap. Whew! I'm overwhelmed with all of these new things. I mean what else can he possibly do in the next three weeks?
Yes, therin lies the fear.
I feel somehow like I'm cheating on my best friend. I feel like I'm running around and having fabulous fun with someone else. When I talk to Seb on the phone about our day, I have a hard time not telling him about all of baby S's new milestones. And I have a hard time controlling my level of enthusiasm. I try to present it all as dryly as possible, but I'm sure my scantily clad descriptions without details belies me. After all he knows me. I love the details. And, the man can practically read my mind so he must understand.
I'm very sad where I should be excited. He should be seeing all of this and he isn't. He's missing it all. And I often feel like he's missing all of it because I'm selfishly here for the summer, weeks and weeks ahead of him. And although he says, "oh that's fine, we knew when we got married we'd have lots of time apart," I still feel incredibly guilty and sad about all of it.
So do you think maybe I can cryogenically freeze baby S so he doesn't do anything else? "It's only a matter of a few weeks" you say? "He'll be here in no time at all." But you see with a baby a week can mean a whole new person. I'm afraid he won't recognize this little man who was just a baby a few short weeks ago.
1 comment:
Don't worry! He'll miss some of these moments, but won't be nearly as upset about it after he sees the little bugger in action! All of these "firsts" lead into so much more and they are soon forgotten. Ask any mom or dad. I bet that's what they say. I've never heard someone say..."Ah, I remember the first time you walked...or slept through the night." I hope this helps.
Post a Comment