Release from captivity . . . umm kind of

Life has really changed in this house. These days baby S is on bottled milk 75 percent of the time. We still do a coveted full morning feed and a very small token bedtime feed, but the rest of his milk comes straight from the fridge.

It was such a mix of emotions giving that first bottle. He'd thrown about dozen across the room before he took the first one, so I was happy to see him finally accept it. Part of my heart melted though. Here was the beginning of independence. It felt somewhat akin to releasing that baby seal back into the wild after you know, months and months of nurturing. I mean does he know how tough this place really is? Is this little guy ready to see that not everyone will come everytime he calls for help or reassurance? Okay so maybe I'm a wee bit dramatic, but it was the first time I've really felt the letting go emotion and 'ouch' it hurts. Seeing him with that bottle was realizing that month after month from here on out he will do things and experience life with me merely on the sidelines. He is never going to count on me as much as he has this first year.

Swallow. (oversized lump in throat)

In a week we visit the RE* for our first appointment towards our second IVF. I was supposed to have stopped breastfeeding long ago and I'm sure that we'll have a little explaining to do with all this prolactin charging through my blood, but I just couldn't bring myself to stop. I just didn't feel that we were ready before now and lets face it neither did baby S. The RE will probably sigh and say "no wonder you people can't get pregnant again!" and look at us like we're crazy fools. But everyone in this family is happy with the end of this nurturing story, even if it put us a little behind schedule in the reproduction race.

(RE=Reproductive Endocrinologist)