Kaboom! ... knock my socks off May

I was so sad a few weeks ago, I literally couldn't pick myself up off the bed for a full afternoon as I lay there reading back issues of Southern Living and staring out the doorway at the dark, cloud-filled sky. I'd just returned from a visit to Bea and it had thrown me into a funk. Nothing it seemed was going right. Seb was in Lyon and I wasn't seeing him much. The baby making trials hadn't worked and now one of my best friends was leaving. Add all that up and you get a mess of emotions all surging together into a wave of pent up adrenaline. Throw in some PMS and you've got a real tsunami heading to shore.

I'm feeling better now. Seb and I have decided to take a very small apartment on the outskirts of Lyon near his job so that Little S and I can join him a few days most weeks. For the past month and a half he's actually been living with some colleagues in a communal situation and we hadn't been able to visit. This job seems to be something he actually likes and if the "liking" trend continues we're going to ease into a life over there, ... uh, emphasis on the word ease as you may have noticed.

As for the fertility treatment, I've started the IVF and although I'd love to say I'm feeling uppity and positive, I'm way beyond the positive vibe rah rah rah cheerleader crap at this stage in the game. I'm going to leave it at saying I'm feeling advancement in that little compartment of my life. Advancement though is a good thing. It's better than standingf*ckingstill. Three cheers for advancement!

The PMS is gone for now thank you very much.

And then there's Bea and all of that "friend who I will miss more than I can imagine" baggage I've been lugging about. But, strangely things are a little better on that front too because in the past few weeks I've had a luxury. I've spent lots of time with other friends and it's been very, very nice. For example I've recently discovered a blog friend Riana, a sort of sprawl on the bed friend, meaning simply that you feel so comfortable with this friend you can sprawl out on their bed barefoot and chat until you're hoarse, or until their husband comes in eyeballing you to give back the wife and the bed you've so readily stolen. And there's Dee, a longtime SBF who will now be one hour north of me instead of the usual two and a half hours. Because while I'm in Lyon it will be a much shorter trek to her house. We're already busy planning lots of Summer visits. And finally I've gotten to know My Turkish friend Huri a lot better in the past month. We both like cooking and baking and Huri does a great job cutting hair so I think she may be snipping mine a little next week. The other day as I was sitting, not sprawling mind you, on Huri's bed she paid me a very nice compliment, "I feel really comfortable around you Chris. I feel like I can be myself and say what I want." I liked hearing that. It made me feel it was possible to build new friendships and make new connections. I think that was where my fear has been with Bea leaving. I was afraid I was losing yet another "I can be myself with her" type of friend. After all, living in another country there aren't so many of those type of friendships around. I think maybe there are a few more out there than I'd originally thought though and that has significantly eased my mind these past few weeks.

So well, let's hope the feeling better stuff continues. I'd like to see May end with a bang and not a fizzle. I'm really not in the mood for any more fizzling. I'm ready for some real fireworks as the rest of this month plays out. Come on May ...show me the magic.