In our little town of several thousand people, we have three day care centers, all run by the state as is the mandate of all daycare facilities in France. The guidelines are very strict and so the facilities are usually overstressed by the minute details of making sure everything is done by the book and within the budget. Air traffic controller? Head of State? Heart Surgeon? I think the Directrice of such a facility has as much on her shoulders as any of the people in these professions. At least that's the impression I get when I call searching for a placement for Little S. I have been on a wild goose chase for a spot for him for over a year. Because they are perpetually full though, and because I don't have a work contract for over 20 hours a week, we don't have priority. Working mothers have priority. I am perpetually booted to the back of the line and even if I do get a place I will be booted out the moment someone else comes in with a work contract. This is all normal and fair I suppose but it's difficult to swallow nonetheless.
I am not even looking for full time day care, or even part time day care. I am just
looking for one lousy afternoon a week in the halte garderie section of the daycare center and that seems impossible. It's really frightening that there is no alternative.
Little S just had a recent checkup and physically he looks wonderful and strong and has no real problems. Emotionally though the doctor was concerned. Little S is now nearly 27 months and he does not speak. He has a vocabulary of one maybe two words that are completely incomprehensible and unpredictable. He can say "bye-bye" and says it about once or twice a week and he can say "au revoir" which comes out as "a brahr" which he says maybe once every two weeks. That's it. His hearing is fine and he is able to follow simple commands so I can honestly attest to his comprehension and intelligence, but there is something else at play. His brain isn't clicking verbally.
Our doctor is well aware that bilingual children speak late. He is married to a Swedish expat and their children are of course bilingual and of course spoke a little later than the average child just as many of my bilingual friends kids have. He has told me all along to wait until Little S's second birthday. After that we would look into getting him tested. The danger he pointed out becomes more developed after this age because even though the child understands and is intelligent, he risks crossing a border at some point and entering into a self created world of autism and raging temper tantrums. This scared me. I could see the danger of what he was talking about. Little S already has showed lots of signs of the tantrums due to his frustration with not being able to communicate.
Little S's second birthday has long gone and we are in the same place, a verbal standstill. The doctor has asked that we wait a little longer and that I push to get him in a nursery school. I'm not sure how to push. This pushing does not seem to be of any use in a the French bureaucracy of nursery school waiting lists. We are forever at the bottom of a list. I am ready to cry with the frustration of it all.
There is a sneaky avenue I may yet explore. My Turkish friend got a full time placement for her son last year through the CAF and the ANPE. She declared herself unemployed and got free language lessons and a free and immediate full time position for her son at the best créche in town. So I have decided to do the same. I'm not sure if it will work. I've been turned down in the past for the language lessons because according to the ANPE since I'm an English teacher I don't need them. But for Little S's benefit I'm willing to try anything, even lie. I'm going to have to come up with a colorful, new career objective though. Maybe a directrice of a créche would be a good one!
11 comments:
You've probably checked into this already, but what about an assistante maternelle?
You're right I could definitely get that. I want daycare though for the social structure. He needs the interaction so he'll start speaking.
Hi Chris, I'm always here!
Don't worry about that, my Alex did not speak at all tiil he was about 3,5 years old, even if he was at halte-garderie an at school, now he's 4,5, he spaeks badly and he mixes French and Polish words but he communicates VERY WELL (I wonder how...)and he starts to read and write (in French). I saw a lot of doctors and other poeple concerned in the matter and everybody told me he's ok, every child is his/her rythme of developing the ability to speak.
Philippe, who is 27 months old speaks French quite well, sometimes better than his brother. Alex learned a lot of things at school so don't worry and wait a little bit. And if you move to Mexico (great, by the way!) maybe it's better to leave him alone for a while, not to mix the third language? Anyway, don't worry, he will start to speak sooner or later and don't let the people tell you that there is something abnormal about your child, it ABSOLUTELY NORMAL!
I wouldn't worry too much about his lack of talking. My daughter is not bilingual and she still didn't talk until she was 2 1/2. It seemed that she was waiting until she could talk in full paragraphs!! Our doctor told us she wasn't talking because we understood her grunting too well. He said once she has something to say that she can't get us to understand with grunts, she will talk. And boy did she!!
We found that Jaya's language skills came on leaps and bounds after she started a nursery. I think part of the problem for Jaya (and it may be the same for Little S) was that I had got so good at knowing what she needed without her needing to say anything! So the other thing I did was I stopped second guessing her and gave her a chance to ask for things.
Oooh and my brother was a late talker like Dana's Dd and when he first spoke it was a sentance! He's now a writer so we reckon he was storing all the words up inside.
We've been through this too, though in the US the standard is 3 words by 12 (!) months or they recommend you for speech therapy. We went through a few speech therapy sessions, and I think it helped me, more than anything,help him better. I think it was unnecessary for us to continue though.
There are several very common causes for this that are nothing to worry about. One of them is called "Maturation delay," which is common in boys, and the language area of the brain just develops more slowly. There is also a book called the "einstein syndrome" (I think, something like that in any case) where the author makes a case of how speech delays tend to run in families that are talented in math.
Autism is another possibility, but less likely I think. Your doctors explanation sounds overly scary to me. Especially if he seems otherwise normal (not spending hours lining up his toys?).
2.5 hours of preschool a week had been wonderful for my son and I know he is picking up words from that. At almost 2, he is pretty much on target now.
You might consider a few sessions with a speech therapist, or forming your own playgroup, while waiting for the preschool.
Hi Kasia. How are you! I didn't know Alex spoke late. That's a relief to hear.
Everyone has made me feel a little better. Thanks for sharing all the stories. Jessica your advice was very detailed thank you. Don't worry the doctor was not saying he was autistic but was saying that if verbal skills are not explored early enough the child risks becoming withdrawn and develops some autistic tendancies. I'd read this somewhere too but I'm beginning tot think it may be bunk. You're right though he should not have used such a word with a worried mother. I thought that at the time.
I am sorry that your son is going though this, but I am actually glad that you talked about it. Although my little one isn't here yet, I know the whole bilingual-talking thing is something we will face eventually.
Sam was right about the assistante maternelle. But I know that daycare would be nicer for your son so he could interact more with kids his age. My friends daughter (she's 3 now), is bilingual and can speak....but she was scared to interact with other kids for the longest time. Then my friend enrolled her in school at 2 1/2 yrs old, and the change was incredible. It didn't happen overnight, but she became a lot more sociable.
Good luck with whatever decision you make.
If you do the CAF route you can get all kinds of other benies too like half price museums and discounted things. Why not? Its just for a few months and you have to work the system to get what you want sometimes. Little S would love going to school and playing! I hope that it works for you!
PS I didnt speak until I was three years old! And I talk pretty today! hahahha
S is a remarkably intelligent boy, and a sensitive one. Remember Albert Einstein didn't speak until he was 3 years old.
I think going to the halte garderie helped my two girls in sorting out the two languages, french and english. They didn't talk as early as some kids, but they are bilingual now.
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