On Tuesday I had brunch with my American friend Haley. I met Haley the first few weeks we settled in to our house here in Mexico and since she lives close by and has a girl close to Little S´s age we often get together for play dates. We have very similar parenting styles and we both have a sort of laid back hippy-chic style and attitude so we seem to click really well. My only initial hesitation with Haley was her giddy enthusiasm for religion and the bible, something I´m admittedly uncomfortable with. I enjoy religion from a scholarly perspective--in fact I minored in religious studies and my shelf worn bible is completely written in, highlighted and cross referenced with Jospeh Campbell notes in the margins and other comparitive religion philosopher´s ideas scribbled throughout the text. But since Haley´s bible reading is more faith driven and mine is more philosophically driven I feel uncomfortable when she says things like "God will find a way" or "I just prayed it would work and it did." I do have a spiritual side which I think is growing deeper as I get older, but I am reluctant to attach it to any one religion for fear I guess that it will box me in and limit me. In fact I think the reason I find the idea of attending church very difficult is that religion raises so many questions for me. I really prefer to discuss it rather than sit patiently still while someone gives their viewpoint week after week and I simply bide my time listening.One thing I do appreciate about church is the social aspect. I´m a little jealous of Haley´s vast community of women, even if I doubt I´d get along with all of them. But it is impressive. Like me she´s only been here a short time and yet she's found babysitters, household help, friendship clubs and language lessons all through her ties to the local church. Her church has dropped in her lap the community that so many expats take months and months to uncover. Whenever I´ve asked her where she´s found something she always starts off by saying "a woman from my church..." and I am always impressed with how helpful everyone is around her.
Over the past few months I have grown fond of Haley and so when she told me they´d be leaving Mexico at the end of this month, I felt a sense of relief that I wouldn´t necessarily be the one leaving first. I hate goodbyes. She is in her third trimester of pregnancy and her husband and her would be having the baby at home in the US rather than here, something I knew she´d appreciate much more because I have been there. In true Haley fashion though she had been saying all along "the baby will be born where he is supposed to be born" and she hasn´t even thought twice about the whether she´d be giving birth here in Mexico or off in the US, a far cry from me who had worried about it every day of my second and third trimester, whining and lamenting my lot in life for having been shipped off to a country I knew little about. I have been admiring this "God will find a way" quality in her for several months but on this point in particular I have been in awe of her.
The evening after our Tuesday brunch this week Haley went in to labor at 33 weeks and gave birth to a baby boy. She hadn´t shown signs of prelabor and seemed healthy and vibrant at our brunch, even suggesing we walk a few blocks away to a nearby pottery store. The baby is healthy but being monitered in the hospital and Haley is fine, happy and ever positive in the wake of it all. The birth will certainly delay their leaving plans for several more weeks as they struggle through the complications of a preterm baby and the nightmare of paperwork needed for Americans declaring births in Mexico, and yet she is her same happy-go-lucky self--content with the fact that the baby is here and healthy and here when God wanted him to be here. Her attitude is that they were meant to stay longer for some unclear reason and God will find a way to make the rest of it work.
I wish I could adopt this carefree attitude, be stronger in the face of problems, take more of life with a grain of salt--especially lately. I often wonder if it is my detachment from organized religion that makes my life seem so much more complicated than others. Knowing someone like Haley makes me think that maybe if I could learn to let things go and have the faith that "something" will take care of things, be it God or whatever I want to label it, I will release the binding that keeps me so choked up with fear and worry whenever I can´t see around a corner in my life. I am really envious of people like Haley who have the ability to do this and really intrigued by the power of faith when I meet someone like her.
* I love religious artifacts from Mexico, so detailed, intricate and facinating. This cross sits on my bookshelf near my buddha.
9 comments:
It is interesting to read your viewpoint! Like your friend, I am quite the bible thumper ;-). I've always been spiritual, but it was the death of someone I was very close that really brought me to Catholicism. It doesn't mean I agree with all the Catholic church professes, but I take a lot of meaning and solace from it. I think faith and intellect do coexist, and I think that embracing one religion does not mean rejecting others. I believe God is manifest in many religions, and I believe in universal salvation. There are many Catholics like me (though perhaps not in France, but you may be surprised ;-).
You are right that the church community is special, and I believe faith demands community. Not necessarily agreement.
I think your friend's faith is naive though. It is strange to think that you will be protected simply because you pray, and I say this on the premise that none of us gets out here alive. My faith helps me deal with this knowledge (and I do worry a lot less than I used to). For others, it seems like some sort of denial. But maybe my faith is just weak. ;-)
Oh I just reread what I wrote and it was a bit unclear. It wasn´t my intention to imply that Haley isn't intellectual or that faith and intellect don´t go hand in hand. Most times they do. There have been so many venerated scholars in religious history it is really the place you look when you want to seek out the great minds of our times. I however have tended to read the bible as a great collected philosophical body of work and not necessarily as a sacred text. My friend seems to take it both ways, taking many passages more literally than I probably would. Therein lies the dividing line.
I can see what you mean by accepting that living means suffering and prayer will only offer you so much protection, but like you read in my post she has suffered by having the baby so prematurely and yet she accepts that there is a greater reason why such things happen. It´s this child-like, happy go lucky faith in the greater reason of life that I was admiring. I haven´t discussed it with her per se but I have seen it in her actions and her words. She is so positive in the face of everything.
Thanks so much for commenting. I love reading other people´s views on religion and philosphy but it´s always such a delicate issue! It´s so hard not to offend others when you bring up religion and politics :)
I don't know that the happy-go-lucky spirit Haley shows is faith-oriented. Some people are worriers, and others not...and religion has never struck me as the determining factor.
Though I have to agree with you that finding a way not to worry and obsess would be a truly great thing!
I am a worrier too.
My friend Giovanna, who is also my Yoga teacher, is a lot like your friend Haley. I just received some unexpected news and when I was telling her about it, she was so sympathetic and yet she kept saying, "Everything is okay." We don't talk about religion much (I am not religious at all and am incredibly uncomfortable in church settings) but we do talk about faith in ourselves, our abilities and the world. I too am trying to be more like her.
But still, I worry.
I hope her baby pulls through well and the paperwork comes through quickly.
Anon it´s the whole nature vs. nurture issue. Is she positive and happy because it´s her nature or does society, religion and her upbringing have more to do with it. I´ve met her parents and they´re very much the same as her. I think nurture makes up a very large portion of our personality but that´s just what I´ve always thought.
However my son has a very strong stubborn streak and I´ve been trying to pinpoint since he was born to no avail. Is it because of his environment or is it just his nature. The verdict is still out.
Jennifer - the baby is doing great. Medicine today sees lots of babies born at this stage so he´s going to be released in four days time. It shocked me that they can let him go home so quickly!
Dear Chris, even though I don't comment often I love keeping up with your news through the blog. Your friend sounds interesting. What luck you had that she is so close by. You'll certainly be helping her with the baby registration, n'est ce pas? I didn't know that you minored in religious studies. Sometimes I wish that my philosophical studies had included more theology.
Perhaps it's not so much the 'organized religion' that has your friend at ease, but more of a personal relationship and friendship with God. That, to me, makes all the difference. Organized relgion? No way. Being a friend/daughter/child of God? Absolutely!
laura
Wow. This is a topic that’s usually left untouched on blogs. Thanks for being bold enough to post about it. I apologize in advance for the length of this comment.
First of all, in regards to faith and intellect, you’re exactly right – they can go hand in hand. In fact, I don’t think you can truly separate the two. I went to private school all my life so I know the Bible inside-out. I even had to memorize entire passages of it while growing up. But my faith was predominantly in my head. You’re right when you say that there’s a dividing line – somewhere between the scholarly works, the ancient texts, the sermons… when all of a sudden, it descends from your head to your heart. And when that happens, you’re filled with this uncanny, dare I say “out-of-this-world”, ability to be at peace in any situation. If you’ve read the Bible then you must know of Paul. In the book of Romans Paul is in prison (which, I picture the prisons of those days more like the ‘oubliettes’ of ancient French dungeons…a far cry from the ‘cushy’ cells today). Anyways, he’s in prison in chains, he doesn’t understand why, and yet he’s singing praises to God. Why?…or moreover…how?…It doesn’t make sense. Or, in your reading, you may have come across a woman named Corrie Ten Boom – thrown into a concentration camp during World War II, separated from her family, she never gave up hope in God. It’s absolutely ridiculous from a regular human point of view. (If you haven’t read her book: “The Hiding Place”, it’s an amazing read.)
All of these things I knew and had read, but I was still so analytical about it – picking Christianity apart like a science experiment. It never truly descended to my heart until I came to France. (Rather paradoxically, actually, since France is one of the countries where ‘true’ faith is dying out at expeditious rates). I met someone here named Luc. Seven years ago he gave up a promising 6-figure career to become a pastor in modest, little Thonon-les-Bains where his floundering church of unemployed, struggling, and sometimes fresh-off-the-streets members can’t afford to pay him a single penny for what he does. He works more than full-time hours and doesn’t even have an income. But he has heart. And he has God. And that’s enough for him. He believes so strongly in what he preaches that really, nothing else matters. And slowly, after watching him and many other people that I’ve come to know here, and after seeing REAL answers to prayers, things that couldn’t be explained, I came to realize that this stuff is TRUE. I mean, really TRUE. And sometimes, now, I wish I could stand on the roof and yell it to everyone because it changes your life. Intellectualism alone never did that for me.
I encourage you to let go and try it. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Nichole
Nichole - this just sort of turned in to a post on religion without my thinking too much about the subject matter. I am so appreciative that all these people have shared their viewpoint though. You remind me a lot of my friend in fact so it's really interesting to hear what you have to say and your story about Thonon.
Funny that you mention The Hiding Place. It was always a favorite book growing up and I found it in my things in Florida in Fall and re-read it. It's still down in my sidebar in what I'm reading (not so updated as you can see!)
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