We had little S´s evaluation at his school right before Seb left this last time. Yes, yes a preschool evaluation for a three and a half year old--a very "Nanny Diaries" thing don't you think? I promise I didn´t prepare ahead for it or wear a business suit and bring a tape recorder.All kidding aside though in Little S´s case I have to admit I was eager for information and curious how he behaves away from home. So was his dad which is why we scheduled it when he could come too. We´re both a little worried.
His two teachers and the directrice of the school were in the meeting and they went through a list of things he does and does not do. Apparently he is very shy and stays to himself, only observing fine details of what they are doing in the class but never participating. He never does anything spontaneously on his own and isn´t that interested in what´s going on around him with the other 27 students. This concerned them and they asked how he was at home. They feel like he is a little too much in his own world. He has never spoken a word since he´s been in the school. In over four months they have only heard his voice in the times he´s cried. He doesn't even speak to other kids, not even the ones who speak english (although those kids probably don´t speak much English at an all Spanish school--and preschool aged kids don´t usually seek each other out).
The directrice was very concerned and she used an example. Apparently during the very animated Children´s Day marrionette show, Little S was the only child not watching the show. She said it was very odd because he was focused on a small detail off to the side the entire time and the music was loud. She suggested once again that we get his hearing checked and for the third time I reminded her that we had done an extensive hour long workup with a hearing doctor in France. His hearing is excellent.
They also said he doesn´t make eye contact which is something I know he has trouble with. I´m not sure why but he hates looking in people´s eyes. He will look at a camera lens but not a person. If I´m angry with him for something he´s done the most painful punishment I can inflict on him is to make him look me in the eye. It´s like it physically hurts him to do it.
We know he has a problem but we aren´t sure just what it is yet. Things are getting worse at home too--repeating phrases over and over like a parrot, the pronoun problems, the inability to answer questions, the tantrums, the obsessive drawing and painting and the silent world he is going deeper and deeper into. It scares me. In some ways I think maybe it´s good we are going back to France so he can get some help. Hopefully we can find a way pull him out of all of this and bring him into our world a little more.
13 comments:
Whilst a preschool evaluation does seem slly I agree it's always interesting to hear how your kids behave when they're away from you. Does Little S behave in the same sort of way at home? Jaya goes to nursery two afternoons a week and they tell us she concentrates, follows instructions and loves to tidy....the total opposite of how she is at home! ;)
The not speaking at school thing with Little S reminds me of my friend's boy who stated school last sept and is yet to speak a single word whilst on school ground. They have diagnosed him as suffering from selective mutism and are working towards a solution.
Hugs for being scared, I hope your feas are unfounded. Whether there is something that needs to be addressed or not, Little S is his own person, a beautiful, creative child who is lucky to have a beautiful, creative mother like you :)
They did a pre-preschool evaluation at Jack's school and I was so glad they did. It wasn't as formal as yours (the direttrice wasn't there) but like you said, how else can you find out what your child is like when you are not around?
You are probably right to get him some help in France. I'm sorry this has you worried. I'd be concerned too. I hope you do get it figured out.
I want to send you a link but I feel a little funny posting it here. Would you mind emailing me?
jeninitaly AT gmail DOT com.
When reading, as a mental health counselor, a few things pop out at me from what you wrote, "the silent world", "avoids eye contact", and "repeating phrases". These are all symptoms of autism, but that doesn't mean he has it and one other main characteristic is a "lack of ability to show appropriate emotion" of which I have not heard you talk much about so I am not sure how Little S is in this category. You are right to seek help and the sooner the better for these tyoes of things!Even research diet alternatives. I am sure also that multi-lingual children who move around a lot learn and act differently too so there are a lot of other factors here to consider. In any event, keep us posted and good luck! Whatever the case may be, you know your little boy the best and all will be fine.
Those do sound like worrisome symptoms but as Rambling on says they could well be caused by other things. Good on you for tackling this head on. Its always hard to admit there might be an issue with one's child.
Hugs
Thanks everyone.
Rambling - Yes we´ve been told autism is what it could be and several other signs are there too like the lining things up of everything and the stacking and constant building of towers. It´s been his obsession for a few years now and I´d always thought it was a little strange but didn´t know it was associated with autism (he´s dong it as I write this in fact).
I don´t want to put a label on it until we can get him evaluated though. He does seem to interact with his sister okay and us but he seems to have a problems with his peers, like each time I take him to a play date he finds a corner to play in by himself or he stays next to me. He rarely plays with other kids and that´s what his teachers told us. But sometimes he seems to inch towards other kids, rarely but still I am thinking he´s got to be pushed a little and he wil break out of this. It´s like he´s between two worlds right now. He kind of prefers this silent drawing world he creates so I think we have to be careful and get him some help soon.
Part of the problem all along has been that he is bilingual and they often speak late so all of the doctors and speech pathologists have told us to wait and see but we are only just now seeing it´s more than this.
A friend of mine has a 7 year old wonder who has mild autism. He spoke later, has a few social issues, gets obsessed with items, but really this is all just notes. He is a great kid and so much fun to be around. He is doing well in school and has a few friends, but still needs lots of attention. But what kid doesn't.
Chris--I am so sorry you have to deal with the worry. My godson is autistic and your description of S reminds me a lot of him. He has benefited so much from therapy. Honestly, if I didn't know him before he started his program, I would not suspect autism now. If S is on the autism spectrum, he is obviously high functioning and will certainly benefit from language, occupational and behavioral therapy.
I love the photos he took, BTW. I think I will turn E loose with the camera and see what happens!
Could it also be he's a bit shy? FWIW (and I know my A is a lot younger), A has been in daycare since 12 weeks so interacts really well with the other daycare kids. She laughs and plays all day, but when we go on playdates or are out at parties with other kids, she shies away from them. She's a very social kid, so this shocked me. I'd have been a lot more worried if I didn't know how she interacted with her daycare-mates (it's inhome, with just a few other kids). She gets shy, unless she's with a kid she already knows (like our neighbor).
Could it be that he's just new to this school, shy, and so hasn't really 'clicked' with the other kids yet? Add in the language factor and that could make him withdraw even more.
A also is slow to speak and behind a bit, but being bilingual everyone expects it.
That's all to say that it's worth getting him evaluated, but also keep in mind he may be a 'normal' child that doesn't fit into society's current vision of normal. I think early intervention is important, but also mis-diagnosis creating a label may become more of a problem.
cherise - we're taking him to a linguistic center for evaluation rather than an autism specialist. I think they're pretty careful with their readiness to put this label on kids for the reason you said--creating a problem where there is none, but still I would feel that they would be leaning hard in that direction and maybe it's better if someone less biased and more neutral evaluates him which is why the linguistic center would be better.
Poor little guy. He's becoming so frustrated with his inability to clearly communicate that all he does is throw tantrums at home. For a few weeks he really blossomed but now he's back to square one again. I really feel sorry for him and I feel awful for being the tough mommy during these past months. I should have been more patient. It isn't his fault. He definitely needs some help--maybe a lot, maybe just a little. Maybe in our wait for an appointment he'll just suddenly be okay. That's how it turns out for lots of kids like this.
I think that's really a smart idea to go the linguistic route first. It's highly likely a lot of his issues are due to the communication problems which may not be anything worse than that - learning to communicate and express himself.
And with A, each time we set up an appt for an evaluation (like not walking at 17 months, or speech delay), by the time we had the appt she was doing it! Kids are funny that way :)
I'm sure the evaluation and speech therapy will help all of you - little S to improve, and you to relax. It's a tough balance, he may require more patience on your part, but at the same time as a mom you're still trying to figure things out and you also don't want your kid to act like a hellion. Don't be yourself up over it. We all just do our best :)
I went thorugh some of the same worries with Nina in school here. In moyenne section, the teacher told me at the end of the year:( that she basically hadn't said a word all year. She would giggle, but refused to talk to anyone. Nina's problem seems to come from extreme shyness and working with a speech therapist has helped her. I find that there are lots of good sources of help in France
Wow Meredith ! It was nice of her teacher to tell you at the END of the year, gee. Shouldn´t she have told you earlier? Were you angry? I would have been.
S has always been shy too but there are other things. I think he´s going to need a lot of speech therapy. I am the only one who can understand him and much of it is real guesswork.
Post a Comment