Hanging in there

"[flash!] the only picture taken all year of us as a family was at my in law's house--and look at us we're exhausted!! Seb is asleep in the first two photos taken so his mom said "open your eyes!" and he had to do this to keep his eyes open. Little S is sliding off the sofa and Charlotte is wailing "waaaaah" Me, I'm just trying to keep it all glued together somehow! "

Yesterday was our nine year anniversary of marriage, whew! It's been a difficult year to say the least and we're reeling from all the changes. I don't know how but we're still here and we're still standing somehow.

I won't gush this year because honestly it's been one of our hardest years ever. Just as we were recovering from an international move to a foreign country where we lived in a hotel for two months (nearly four for Seb) and we had a new baby, Seb's job sent him back to France, but not before sending him on lots of wild goose chases looking for other jobs in other divisions of the company in Mexico. Finally we got sent to our last choice on a very short list, --the overpriced metropole, Paris where we couldn't find a place to live so we decided to buy, ...three weeks before a huge worldwide recession. So yes it's been a tough year.

Right now I'm in dire need of a night out. I just need a little break from everything because it's been FOUR years since we've had a date alone. I've never had a babysitter. And yet I can't find it in me to hire a babysitter. I really need to get over it and just trust. It's also because our house is so AWFUL that I'm sure the local babysitter lives in a much nicer house than ours. It's certain. I've seen her boots.

And I need to start thinking about getting back to work. It makes my brain hurt to think about working. I'm trying to to invent jobs in my head that I can do from home but wondering if it's just me avoiding the inevitable. I hate the idea of working from an office or a classroom and doing a commute. I hate the idea of going back to work to be honest. I like working from home and taking care of my family. But we need two safety nets because one just isn't smart.

My poor dear husband has an ulcer after last year. He's in a terrible industry. He's watching all of his old colleagues getting axed right and left on a daily basis and each evening he comes and says "I can't believe Mr. X got laid off!." He keeps wondering day after day what his fate could be and even though it all feels safe right now everyone we meet it seems has lost a job or is worried about losing a job. All this daily tension is a weight on our family and he's grumpy all the time.

And working on the house, that's our diversion. The only thing is that our diversion is a source of stress because it means we have to talk about all the risks of job loss and the sliding economy as we try to decide what work to do in the house first.

But we're still here! If we made it through last year and we make it through this year I think we'll be some sort of power couple. I don't know how we survive all the things we go through but somehow year after year we weather huge tidal waves and we always end up okay. I hope next year when I write about our anniversary I can look back at this post and just shake my head saying, "wow! that was a nutty year!"