This morning as I was removing the layers of winter padding from Little S I heard a father talking to his daughter in a language closely resembling English. Just as I was tuning in to figure out what it was he asked me if I spoke English to Little S. I explained to him that I was American and then I realized quickly that the little girl was Lison, a small person's name I must hear 150 times a day in our house. "mom Lison's gonna come over and play one day." "Lison wasn´t here today and I was sad." "I want Lison to come over, pleeeease mom." I always explain to Little S that mommies first have to become friends and then Little boys and girls can play at each other's houses. I knew though that Lison's mommy was part of the small group of mommies I am slowly becoming a part of so it was eventual that we would meet up and become friends. But anyway back to the language of the dad,-- it was dutch.
Before leaving for Mexico we did the famous cultural training that many families get before taking off to another country. I talk about this training a lot because it was interesting, but mostly because for two days we had the ear of a 50 something year old French woman, our teacher, who had spent an entire career meeting expats. She had three kids all raised in South America and who were now adults back in France and she had lots of insight into what she called Third Culture Kids. A true TCK is more like a military brat or embassy kid, but bicultural children also fall into this category too. Our trainer explained that the phenomenon with these type of kids is that they always seek out other third culture kids in their peer groups. They don't feel comfortable with regular kids. They also tend to seek out the misfits or oddballs in the class because they feel more at ease with them. I thought it was really funny that Little S's three friends are the little dutch girl, Louis whose parents have travelled all over the world (ie. Myla's boy) and another little boy who wears glasses and vests to school and has a 19th century French name. He looks like a little lawyer. He's very cute but I don't think he exactly fits in to the Power Ranger club if you know what I mean. Little S seems to get bullied a lot and he's been telling me about it lately saying he cried after he was pushed by Maxime or Thibaut. It seems to be the boys club of locals whose parents I know band together outside the school. They are nice enough but it's a group I feel intimidated by too. They don't seem interested in letting outsiders into their circle. Their children must feel that and I think it carries over into the playground as they choose to bully the kids who are different for a reason they probably don't readily understand.
It's funny that Little S's group found each other among the 23 kids in the class even though they aren't big talkers at this age. They really do seek each other out and bond together. I was a misfit kid growing up because my parents moved a lot and it made me very shy. I always had an attraction to oddballs or bicultural kids as friends. I'm curious if other parents of bicultural children notice their kids making friends with bilingual kids or misfit kids.
There are lots of books written about Third Culture Kids. If you link to the Wiki article above most are listed. What I found fascinating in that article is that I was reminded that Barack Obama is a TCK. I think it explains a lot about his personality. TCK are tough skinned and adaptable to any situation. Lucky us to have such a president.
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especially in light of a possible upcoming move, and the realization that we are unlikely to end up in one place the rest of our life, about what it will mean for our kid to be a TCK. Is it a good thing? Will they have expanded horizons and be tough skinned? Is it putting too much on such a little person? How will it be for us to raise a kid who will have that experience that neither of the parents completely relate too?
that should read, "I am thinking about what it will mean..."
We were really worried about it while in Mexico as you probably knew if you followed my blog then but now that we're back I think we have a new perspective. I think it was a good experience for Little S. He really enjoyed his time there and he was actually doing quite well. It was us who were worried! He talks about it all the time fondly. He loves travel and keeps asking when we can go somewhere. He has travel lust at age four and he loves watching his dvds from Mexico in Spanish. He insists we keep them in "Mexico" as he calls it.
Thick skinned is a good thing in the respect that maybe we are raising more open minded, adaptable children. I'll be interested to read one of the books though to see what the studies have shown the long term effects to be. I think these type of kids who live in multiple cultures (like yours will be) are fascinating.
I have noticed it in Jack, although he refers to it friends "who talk English" or friends "who talk French". He is very good friends with a little girl named Hannah in his class who is from the States.
i have been around alot of missionary kids who also fit into the TCK and it's very interesting that when they are together, they bond right away with each other because it's a shared experience. They understand being completely clueless in a new culture - if they were a bit older- and the younger ones just switch into whatever language they feel like it. Funny thing is, the other kids might not understand the language their friends switch into but they kinda figure it out.
i think TCKids grow up to have more insight into other human beings than most. They notice more and understand more. Though it's not always easy....
i've heard it said also that TCKids are sometimes 'left out' because others can't relate. When someone in the States tells about their family vacation at the NJ shore, the TCK will also have a story but maybe his/her family vacations in Switzerland and then the American kid feels like he/she is showing off. THough they aren't ...just trying to fit in. HOwever, other TCKids will totally understand and love the stories because their family probably vacations in Egypt!
i love TCKids...loved being an Au Pair to American kids in Paris and love them still. They are a special type of kid and so much fun to be around.
Ever since I head the term Third Culture Kid I wanted my kid to be one :) Having been an expat in assorted countries/environments where there were tons of expats and we all banded together (rarely with other Americans, more often a mix of cultures), it always seemed *right.* I was always so impressed with the multilingual kids who easily bonded with the other kids from all over.
I think I am a TCK at heart. My parents never left the country (until recently, in their 70s), and I lived in one house all growing up, but as an adult I've found myself in this TCK type environment and realized that even in the US, I bond and have always bonded with the oddballs - either those from somewhere else or those who just didn't fit in. I think it's a great thing for little S!
I like that expression--third culture kid at heart, haha. I feel the same way.
It's funny that you mention this because it's definitely been a topic of conversation in our house lately. And, not surprisingly, Sophia's best friend in school is a little German girl.....
When I asked the teacher what language they speak to each other, she said that Sophia speaks English and that Sabrina speaks German. It's actually not the case, they start in some language that is all their own and then slip into French.
so interesting. read this and had the same reaction as misschris and erica - oh, that's kind of like me, except i was just odd.
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