This cake is delicious! The recipe is here but I have a few notes to add to it. I used dry shredded coconut and I think it dried the cake out just a little. Reading through comments you have to soak the dried coconut in water for a bit and get it moist. This is very important! Next time I might skip the coconut all together or just use carrots instead. You don't taste the coconut in the cake at all. I believe it serves more as filler than flavor.
I don't have my Little Man for Halloween and this is really disappointing. I had already agreed to vacation dates before I realized he'd be with his grandparents for the holiday. They are anti Halloween like most French so poor little guy is missing out.
I felt awful last night because when I called he was crying so hard he was hyperventilating. I know he only does that when he's really upset or scared or bothered so it worried me. I think he's too young to go off with them for four nights. I was about six or eight when I first started staying the night at my grandparents and they were 15 minutes from our house and I saw them every weekend from the time I was born. I know they want to develop this relationship with him and I appreciate that but I think they need to plan more visits to see us and take it slower. They never want to come and see us. Mother in law already said to Charlotte "Next year ma cherie it will be your turn too!" and I just about choked. The big issue for me is that they let the kids cry it out if they're scared at night and they don't leave night lights on in the dark. The room is really dark because they have rolling shutters. Their rooms are always cold because they don't heat them at night and it's a miserable place to sleep if you're a little person missing your family! Oh and mil has this enormous doll from Bretagne with the tall lace hat on her head in the guest room and it's so scary. She has it sitting in the corner and it freaks me out to even go in there. How the other grandkids sleep in that room is beyond me.
For me Saturday cannot come soon enough! Am I being too overprotective? At what age do you think it's okay for them to go off overnight with relatives or friends?
It's a shame we won't do Halloween this year. Unfortunately I keep missing out on it because it seems we're always on the move. I collected some fun things for decorating while I was in Mexico so I can't wait to break them out next year.
15 comments:
Are you being overprotective? I don't think so. While I think it is SO SO SO important for kids to have a good relationship with their grandparents, if you aren't comfortable with him being there for so many nights then it is probably too early.
I don't think there is an age when it is okay. Every kid is different. When I was five years old I ask my mother if I could spend the summer with my grandparents. She said she wouldn't be able to come with me and I said, "That's fine." I spent a month at my grandparents' and it was great. I spent all my summers with my grandparents after that, but it took my little sister longer to feel comfortable without my mom even though I was there with her. Every kid is different.
Jack has spent the night at my parents so my husband and I could get away for a whole night (!!!!) and he was about two the first time we did that. He only sees them about twice a year it worked out great. I would probably feel totally comfortably leaving him for three or four days even, but my parents would NEVER let him cry it out and would probably let him sleep in with them if he got scared or was just uneasy being away from us. (I think they actually did this once - they moved his mattress and sleeping bag into their room and set up a special bed for him at the foot of theirs, which worked out great.)
So I guess it depends on the kid AND the grandparents. One of the problems could be that your in-laws have a totally different parenting approach than what S is used to. I imagine that makes it A LOT harder for everyone involved.
You poor thing though. It's so awful to be worried about your kid while he's far away like that.
Can you celebrate Halloween on Sunday?
I think you're being really generous with your in-laws. I agree that a relationship with his grandparents is important, but I would have a hard time thinking about him CIO in the dark. Hopefully he'll have a great time, though.
There's no halloween in Korea either :-(
My girls have been sleeping at their grandmas since they were babies, but she's very doting, leave the lights on kind of grandma. With friends, it depends on when everyone is ready, mom and kid :)
Yes I think it depends on kid and circumstances. I thought just two nights over winter break would have been smarter. He's still recovering from a lot of insecurities over our moving. It is VERY hard to say no to them though because of our tense relations. I don't talk about here but there's a lot of other issues at play and I'm trying to be cool about things.
The first time Leon went was for 10 days when his nanny disappeared, I’d only just returned to work he was maybe 4 months old at the time.
Since then (he is 10 now) he goes either to the South of France or to the UK to be with one set of the grandparents at every school holiday and just loves getting on those planes by himself to get away from Mummy and Papa.
For our family it’s a win, win situation. He gets to develop a relationship with his grandparents that he wouldn’t otherwise have (they all live so far away), gets to know his cousins, Papa and Mummy get some US time and he earns air miles (only joking on that) and thanks to my Mum and Dad he speaks a perfect Queens English. The alternative for us during the endless French school holidays would be ‘Le Centre Loisirs’ and this just seems just like a better alternative.
This said never once have I had him on the phone upset, or has be come back saying that he didn’t like it or that things have gone badly. He hardly phones as he got “too much to do” perhaps because he is thoroughly spoilt on both sides of the family and going away is a real treat. Like Jennifer: when Léon was smaller and couldn’t sleep he was in the grandparents bed before you could shake a stick. My MIL would even end up sleeping on the floor next to his bed ! Like I said he is really spoilt grandchild and there are a lot less rules and no’s so he just loves going. Kids are really good at understanding that there are one set of rules chez nous and one set of rules at the granparents.
BUT: If I’d once had him on the phone in tears I’d feel guilty as hell though and found another soultion.
I am a very un-possessive mother and am happy that all 4 of his grandparents enjoy him and he enjoys them. I hope that when he is my age that he has fond memories of Granny, and Granddad, Mannie et Papou.
I am a very un-possessive mother and am happy that all 4 of his grandparents enjoy him and he enjoys them. I hope that when he is my age that he has fond memories of Granny, and Granddad, Mannie et Papou.
As everyone else said each mother, father and child is different and you can’t go against how you feel so do what YOU think is right not what other people think is right.
I’ve had numerous comments from friends and colleagues along the lines “oh so you got rid of him again” but people are very judgmental. So you do what’s right for your family and what works best for them.
Pauline - I guess I don't have any problem with him going away, it's more their attitude about discipline, --(especially concerning food and sleeping "like a big boy.") I think he enjoys his days with them and he likes being with the cousins but the in laws see child raising through such different eyes than my husband and me. They see him and other kids his age as a wild children in need of breaking before it's too late. We see him as an independent spirit discovering his own voice and we try to give him the freedom to explore--completely different approaches to looking at a little person. I feel like their visits are opportunities to get in there and fix what's broken.
Thanks for your input. Are you still blogging? I seem to have lost track of you over time. I hope all is well :)
No I don't blog anymore I just hover on everyone else’s !
I totally know where you’re coming from. Something’s that my MIL does make me cringe. For example Léons 2 cousins have a biberon for breakfast (they are 6 and 8) because no way would my MIL want them spilling something on the canapé and why would anyone feed children coquillettes et jambon for dinner every other night !
Things are better at my Mum and Dads as we are more on the same wavelength. Which I guess is normal, as I follow my Mums excellent example.
Anyway I just ignore all these things 1. For family peace 2. Because it really helps us out that there is some to look after him during the school holidays.
Now that Léon is older he can see through these things and goes with the flow too. I just explain it’s like that chez nous and different chez Mannie et Papou, as I hate to criticise them in front of him.
I’ve only put my foot down about certain things: The biberon thing being one of them.
Thankfully my husband and I are on the same page too: It would be much worse if was be up against the in-laws and my husband !
Wow, I think Pauline gave you really good advice. I would LOVE to be able to send Jack to the grandparents' for school holidays when he is a little bit older, but my parents are too far away for that and it would be too much to ask my father-in-law to watch over Jack 24/7 (he is a widower and was never a very hands-on father, so although he is a wonderful grandfather, there are a lot of things he admittedly wouldn't be able to handle).
The biberon thing would drive me up the wall too. Jack has NEVER had a bottle in his life. We never bought any and so when someone finally gave him one (he was 12-15 months I think) he thought it was a toy and didn't know what to do with it. LOL. But a lot of kids in Italy drink their "bibe"s for years and years and it's just weird to me to see a six-year-old sucking down apple juice or sugary tea from a baby bottle!
And Pauline - if you are checking back in, Léon is one of the names I would have loved to use for second baby!
That's great advice Pauline. Reading that made something just sort of click in my head. You are so right. He will eventually become older and will see how things are different chez nous and chez eux and he will understand.
Thanks for the insight.
Jen, Leon is a great name!
Your post brings back a memory from way back. When I was about 6, my mother decided that each of her three daughters (I'm the middle one) should spend a weekend with their maternal grandparents. Up till then, I'd never spent a night away from home. When it was my turn, I was excited, but the first night I cried so much, my grandmother came into the room and sat on the bed and smoothed my hair and said, "don't cry schöne mädelach, (Yiddish for sweet little girl). Tomorrow we'll go shopping for some new underwear." I don't remember much else about that weekend stay, except that I didn't cry again, but my kids crack up whenever I tell the story of how my grandmother soothed me by proposing a shopping trip for underwear!
As a mother, I didn't really have a chance to send my kids off to relatives for an extended stay when they were young. Might have been nice...
Luckily, your son will soon be home and meanwhile, I'm sure his grandparents are doing their best to make sure he will want to come back again next time! (let me know if he got any new underwear out of the trip!)
We feel completely spoiled because my French in-laws have taken Ella for 2/3 weeks at a time since she was 8 months old. Because of B's work schedule we can never visit on weekends and this way they see the baby while we get vacation time. She just spent a week with them over school holidays while we went to Italy and apparently there were quite a few problems at meal time, which I don't tend to have, but maybe that is because I've gotten a bit lax about things. I am actually hoping that she comes home with some good habits! The first time I saw my MIL punish Ella by sending her to the corner (18 months old!) I was shocked. BUT I reminded myself how much they loved her and that although their style of discipline was totally different to mine, they were always doing what they thought was best and in Ella's best interest. I think its important for kids to learn that their are different rules in different places, ie grandparents house, school, home, etc; I think its better for them to learn that they need to adapt while in a loving environment rather than having the shock of it while out alone in the big wide world.
I try to remind myself that I don't know everything about parenting and the idea of 'it takes a village to raise a child' is true.
Aye!! I feel your pain here, mama. I do not think you are being overprotective at all. What will end up happening is Little S will soon tell you "NO" to those visits and in my opinion, I would not force him to go. You always have to trust your mama instinct. I do think that four nights is a very long time for a child his age to go. If they were going to amusement parks each day and staying very busy, maybe that woudl be different, but I am sure that he is probably bored to tears. That must have broke your heart to hear him crying like that. When he comes home you'll just have to give him lots of extra attention and hugs and next time just trust your gut.
I may chiming in late but I certainly don't think you are being too overprotective with little S! If it were me I probably would not let him go back for a while longer. And certainly not let little Charlotte go either!!! My girls never visit my inlaws without me present. My 3 year old stays with my parents occasionally but she sees them everyday so it much different and they are only 10 minutes away. I'm off to read the next post!!!
I'm late here and I see you had a bit of a fracas with them later, but wanted to add that no, I don't think you're being over-protective. My little one is only two but I can't imagine her doing any nights away from us anytime soon except in an emergency (which has happened once already). My mother is an extremely doting grandmother and we just got back from 10 days with the family where my mom babysat during the day a few days while I worked. That was great, but no way could I leave her overnight. My siblings have left their kids overnight, but it's varied by kid. Some do fine, some not. I can't imagine sending my kid off even for a few days. Not an issue with the in-laws since they wouldn't feel comfortable taking her overnight either.
I think Seb needs to put his foot down with them.
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